We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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