My first STD was from a foam party
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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