There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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