my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize