Betty ford says i'm here all night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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