According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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