My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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