I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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