he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
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I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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