TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
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All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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