I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want her autograph on my taint
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize