She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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