it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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