I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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