I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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