I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize