My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize