I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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