if you like me you must not know who I am
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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