Betty ford says i'm here all night
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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