Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize