Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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