What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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