y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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