you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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