I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize