Who wears a wallet chain?!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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