He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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