Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
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she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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