we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
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his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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