Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
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i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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