then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
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Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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