Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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