You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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