I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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