I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
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Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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