Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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