he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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