I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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