Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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