sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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