I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The air taste purple.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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