No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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