Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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