I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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