So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
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FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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