I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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