Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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