just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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