I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
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Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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