Texts From Last Night

jessicairns's Favorites Texts:

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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

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  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
  Replies (18) Good night (7901) Bad night (1708) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

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  (920): He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car. http://tfl.nu/srqw
  Replies (38) Good night (10929) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

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  (514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8
  Replies (6) Good night (2421) Bad night (552)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i'm home, then i'll come over

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa

  (514): View more from Quebec

  nvm.

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  (514): i'm home, then i'll come over (1-514): ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa (514): nvm. http://tfl.nu/kqkd
  Replies (40) Good night (939) Bad night (3046)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.

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  (514): Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"? (1-514): Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan. http://tfl.nu/v19o
  Replies (5) Good night (2429) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?

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  (514): i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome? http://tfl.nu/1uvu
  Replies (18) Good night (3472) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  school has made you so classy.

  (514): View more from Quebec

  that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.

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  (780): school has made you so classy. (514): that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884. http://tfl.nu/r8mz
  Replies (45) Good night (4062) Bad night (535)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."

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  (514): i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty." http://tfl.nu/ecou
  Replies (15) Good night (4708) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.

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  (514): Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta. http://tfl.nu/sa2y
  Replies (42) Good night (14280) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.

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  (514): Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight. http://tfl.nu/evaz
  Replies (19) Good night (817) Bad night (4448) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets

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  (514): he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets http://tfl.nu/d9we
  Replies (9) Good night (638) Bad night (5161) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey

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  (416): I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey http://tfl.nu/3mx1
  Replies (14) Good night (1185) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .

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  (416): i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high . http://tfl.nu/d43n
  Replies (17) Good night (2817) Bad night (446)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?

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  (416): i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ? http://tfl.nu/m6rh
  Replies (9) Good night (521) Bad night (2433) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.

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  (416): Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins. http://tfl.nu/wh0f
  Replies (23) Good night (2876) Bad night (564)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.

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  (416): Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism. http://tfl.nu/ra36
  Replies (12) Good night (1345) Bad night (2719) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I wanna be on tlc

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.

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  (416): I wanna be on tlc (905): Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless. http://tfl.nu/gr13
  Replies (17) Good night (4160) Bad night (495)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...

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  (416): I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed... http://tfl.nu/ew3h
  Replies (18) Good night (1246) Bad night (4227) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes

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  (416): she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes http://tfl.nu/kujh
  Replies (15) Good night (837) Bad night (4363) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

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  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (32248) Bad night (1602)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.

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  (229): please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room. http://tfl.nu/c4g1
  Replies (19) Good night (7209) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.

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  (318): I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/98cc
  Replies (9) Good night (6108) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

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  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (16418) Bad night (2034) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

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  (304): Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead http://tfl.nu/8a8b
  Replies (25) Good night (4512) Bad night (1486) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...

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  (310): You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor... http://tfl.nu/dk61
  Replies (9) Good night (1909) Bad night (5648)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

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  (440): Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana. http://tfl.nu/g8b3
  Replies (24) Good night (1760) Bad night (6565) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high

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  (785): turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high http://tfl.nu/v57y
  Replies (20) Good night (1295) Bad night (5092) Order T-Shirt