She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
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I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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